Let's talk (also) about boys!

We often talk about equality between girls and boys, and the place of girls in tech and science. But we sometimes forget that that boys too are subject to social injunctions from an early age. "Be strong", "don't cry", "perform well", "don't dance"... These seemingly innocuous phrases create a stereotyped stereotyped masculinity that confines and suffocates, and can create lasting unease.

Behind these stereotypes, there are very real impacts on self-confidenceand emotional management or the ability to express one's needs. This article deciphers these invisible injunctions and suggests concrete ways to help boys achieve greater inner freedom.

Gender stereotypes aren't just for girls

Early conditioning... and often unconscious conditioning

From nursery school onwards, some children receive very different messages depending on their gender. A boisterous boy will be "energetic", a restless girl "difficult". A boy who cries? He'll be told to "pull himself together". A girl crying? We'll console her.

Words are not neutral. They build a self-image. And what we say (or don't say) to boys shapes their relationship to the world, to others, and to themselves.

Figures that speak for themselves

A recent survey of 11-17 year olds in France reveals :

• 60% of young people believe that "it's up to boys to protect girls".

• 58% believe that "boys are naturally more violent than girls".

• 33% think that "a boy playing with dolls is not normal".

• 15% believe that "boys shouldn't cry".

These figures show the extent to which certain stereotypes remain firmly entrenched, particularly among among middle-schoolersa key moment in the construction of identity.

The most common injunctions for boys

1 "Be strong": the illusion of permanent performance

We expect the boys to be solid, independent and competitive. But to be strong all the timealso means learning to hide one's weaknesses, doubts and pain. This hinders emotional expression and the building of authentic relationships.

As a result, some teenage boys don't have the words to say they're not doing well. This malaise can explode into violent behavior, withdrawal or silent depression.

2. "Don't do that, it's for girls": the dictatorship of gender

Wearing pink, dancing, playing house... these are all activities still perceived as feminine. And yet, the symbolic prohibition of these tastes limits experimentation, learning and creativity. Above all, it maintains the idea thatthere are things reserved for one genderand others forbidden.

The result: fewer boys read, fewer dare to express themselves through art, fewer allow themselves to explore fine emotions. And those who dare may be mocked, harassed or marginalized.

3-"You're not a baby": the shame of emotion

From an early age, boys learn to repress their emotions. Crying becomes a weakness, sadness is replaced by anger, doubt by silence.

And yet, the ability to identify and express emotions is a key skill, recognized as essential for mental health by the WHO. Boys are often deprived of it.

Concrete... and lasting consequences

A lack of psychosocial skills

This conditioning has a direct impact on the development of soft skills :

• Less emotional intelligence

• Less empathy

• Less authentic communication

• Less resilience in the event of stress or failure

These skills are essential for everyday life, whether in friendship, love, school or work.

A crisis of meaning and representation

Today's boys are growing up in a changing world. Traditional male role models no longer work. But new reference points are still lacking.

And social networks amplify the phenomenon: virilist beliefsAlgorithms enclose people in bubbles that reinforce these stereotypes.

What can I do as a parent?

1. Observe your own language

Everyday phrases count. Rather than :

• "Stop crying"

• "It's not for you"

• "A boy doesn't do this"

We can say:

• "You have the right to be sad"

• "You can love whatever you want"

• "It's not a question of girls or boys, it's a question of taste".

      2. Open up the possibilities

• Offer a variety of activities (sports, art, free play, reading)

• Accept exploration: a boy who wants to cook, dance, cry, draw hearts... just wants to express himself.

• Show diverse male role models (artists, fathers present, sensitive men, etc.).

      3. Strengthen emotional confidence

• Valuing emotional expression

• Do not judge or minimize fears or pain

• Share your own adult emotions (without overload, but with authenticity)

      4. Act early (and often)

Socialization starts very early. Nurseries, schools, books, clothes, games... everything conveys norms. The earlier we act, the more freely children can develop.

Rethinking education as a space for freedom

The aim is not to deny differences. But to not to assign a role to a child according to gender. Letting a boy cry, wear pink, love dancing or hate soccer doesn't distance him from himself, it brings him closer to it.

It's about allowing them to explore, to feel, to choose. And to become a freer, more empathetic, more aligned adolescent, then adult.

Things to remember

Boys too are subject to gender stereotypes
These injunctions affect their emotional and social development
Soft skills must be cultivated from childhood, for everyone
Parents have a key role to play in broadening possibilities
It's time to rethink male role models

A change in society... To the detriment of children

A growing fear of the outside world

One of the first obstacles is cultural. Many parents admit to being afraid of leaving their children outside. Fear of accidents, of being kidnapped, of being looked at by others... Even in secure residences, we no longer dare leave them alone. Yet statistics show that dangers are no more numerous than before, but the perception of risk has exploded.

As a result, children are increasingly locked up, sometimes less outside than prisoners according to some studies.

Cities designed for adults, not children

Another major obstacle : urban space. In many cities, play areas are rare, poorly located or unsuitable. They are often fenced-in, impervious areas with no vegetation.. They lack life and diversity, and encourage neither autonomy nor creativity.

At the same time, the car dominates public space. Between road safety and lack of visibility, parents find it hard to imagine their children playing alone in the street or crossing the neighborhood alone. Everything seems designed for motorized adults.

Social pressure on parents

In a society of performance and control, leaving a child alone outside is sometimes perceived as a lack of responsibility. perceived as a lack of responsibility. Many parents confess to fear being judged by neighbors or other families.

"A child who plays alone outside is sometimes seen as 'left to his own devices', or even 'neglected'. "

What are the consequences for children?

Less nature, more stress

Spending time outdoors isn't just about "getting some fresh air". Numerous studies have shown that contact with nature improves mood, reduces anxietystrengthens the immune system and promotes learning.

In some countries, such as Finland, programs have even significantly significantly reduce allergies and asthma attacks among children by enabling them to interact with a richer natural environment.

Impact on the development of soft skills

Free play outdoors develops many psychosocial skillsvaluable both at school and in life:

• Patience (waiting your turn on the slide),

• Cooperation (organizing a game of hide-and-seek),

• Resilience (getting up after a fall),

• Self-confidence (daring to explore a corner of nature on your own),

• Creativity (inventing rules, building a tree house).

Conversely, children who are overly supervised and deprived of autonomy may may lack the resources to adapt and become dependent on external stimuli (especially screens).

Widening inequalities

Not all children have equal access to nature. 4 out of 5 children in France do not have a nature park in their neighborhood.. And while some families can make up for this with weekend outings, others have neither the time nor the means.

What can you do about it, even without a garden?

1. Start small (and steady)

No need to go to the forest every weekend. Just 15 minutes a day in a park or even a tree-lined stretch of sidewalk can make all the difference.

The objective : to integrate the outdoors into daily lifejust as we integrate snack time or bath time. Walk to school, take a detour to the square, sit on a bench to watch the clouds... There are more opportunities than you might think.

2. Adopt the slow reflex

In a "faster and faster" society, slowing down to get out is an almost militant act. Taking the time to observe an ant, pick up a stick or jump in a puddle is also a way of slowing down our inner pace and that of our children.

Tip: wear appropriate clothing (boots, overalls, old pants) so you don't have to curb your desire to play under the pretext of "getting your clothes dirty".

3. Transforming the way we look at dirt

"Be careful, you'll get dirty": how many times have we said that? And yet, contact with earth, sand and leaves is essential for children's sensory development.. It's also a way of strengthening their immune system and microbiome.

Letting your child get dirty means letting him explore.

4. Valuing boredom and patience

Two endangered qualities... and yet so precious. The outdoors teaches us to be bored (and therefore to imagine), to wait our turn and to work with others.

Far from the millimeterized activity programs, free play develops a form of inner autonomy. It prepares children for life, for dealing with frustration and for self-discovery.

5. Offer micro-adventures

You don't have to live in the country to go on an adventure. Here are a few ideas:

• organize a treasure hunt in an urban park,

• learn to recognize trees and animal tracks,

• build a tree house with a few branches,

• observing insects with a magnifying glass...

These "expeditions" can be very simplebut they reconnect children with life and their imagination.

How about rethinking the city for children?

Beyond everyday gestures, our environment must evolve. Some European cities have already adopted a new vision: creating open, green play areas designed for children... and for parents too.

A simple café in a playground, comfortable benches, accessible toilets and a few free materials (sand, wood, leaves, sticks) are often enough to transform a neighborhood.

These small changes help :

• children's autonomy,

• spontaneous socialization,

• reducing parental mental workload,

• a sense of community.

Conclusion: it's time to put nature back at the heart of education

Children need to play outside. Not just to let off steam, but to help them develop their curiosity, confidence and behavioral skills..

We parents don't always have the power to transform the city. But we can change our habitsreintroduce a little life into our daily lives, and above all let go on mud, noise and judgments.

Going out also means reconnecting with yourself. What if we allowed ourselves to walk a little more slowly, with our eyes raised?