Letting go of parental control: How to encourage your child's autonomy at school.
At a recent first grade class meeting, I heard a surprising question, "Can I give my child extra homework?" 😱.
My first reaction was: Why not just let them be bored, relax, or have fun too?
As a parent with eight years of parent-teacher meetings under her belt, I'm often struck by the way some parents project their own ambitions or fears onto their children.
Some worry that their child is not sufficiently stimulated, others focus on grades at all costs, while some think they know better than teachers how to learn.
At every meeting, I feel great empathy for the teaching staff, who have to manage all these projections while dealing with the day-to-day challenges of education.
But this observation leads me to an essential question:what about letting go as a parent?
When too much involvement becomes counterproductive.
If homework already makes many parents break out in a cold sweat, imagine what life would be like with even more schoolwork at home. At home, we've adopted a different approach with our children, especially our eldest son, because homework has systematically turned into a drama.
Since the third grade, he's managed his homework alone. Yes, all by himself.
And guess what? It's been working for 5 years.
We have a simple rule: as long as his results are in line with the objectives he has set himself, we don't get involved. If he runs into difficulties, we come back to help him, but otherwise, we let him manage his work as he sees fit.
The Benefits of Letting Go
This method requires a certain amount of letting go on the part of parents, but the benefits are numerous. Homework, which used to generate stress and tension, has become a serene task, mastered by my son. He has learned to organize himself, to deal with oversights and mistakes, and above all, to become independent.
This process also enabled him to develop key skills that will serve him throughout his life: organization, time management and self-discipline.
Three tips to help children become independent learners.
If you're looking to make homework less stressful for everyone, here are some strategies from my personal experience:
1. Develop autonomy through trust.
Learn to trust your children. Let them take charge of their homework, even if it means forgetting a notebook or making mistakes. It's all part of the learning process. For example, before the era of parents' WhatsApp groups, if a child forgot something, they had to take responsibility for it. This develops valuable autonomy.
2. Set objectives together.
Regularly discussing expectations and objectives for each subject helps to motivate the child. For example, my son set himself the goal of going from orange to green in dictation when he was in CM2. We worked together to make this a stimulating challenge, rather than a constraining obligation.
3. Adopt a clear methodology.
Planning, organizing and dividing up more complex tasks helps to manage the workload better. This makes homework more digestible and less overwhelming. The homework tool in our Soft Kids application lets you plan your work session.
The study that changes everything.
For those who remain skeptical about letting go, a study conducted by Penn State University examined the results of over 20,000 children and found that excessive parental intervention in homework can have counter-productive effects. In fact, overly close supervision can damage the emotional climate at home, creating unnecessary stress and limiting children's autonomy.
These findings underline the importance of empowering children. By letting them manage their homework and learn from their mistakes, they acquire essential problem-solving skills and develop self-confidence that is invaluable for their future.
In conclusion
Trusting your children, giving them space to learn, and allowing them to make mistakes are essential ingredients in encouraging their autonomy.
Instead of adding stress to the homework load, try to let go and see how they handle their own academic challenges and only intervene if it's really necessary or they have real learning difficulties.
You'll be amazed at the results!
The Soft Kids team 🌈
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