They're everywhere. In the living room, in the pocket, in the bedroom. Video games have become an integral part of children's and teenagers' lives, far more than just a Wednesday afternoon pastime.

They build, compete, cooperate, collect, have epic adventures... all online, sometimes in worlds that parents don't always understand.

So how should we react?
Should we limit? Explain? Prohibit? Play with them?
And above all, what guidelines can we give them so that they can grow up serenely in an omnipresent digital world?

In this article, we help you :

• better understand the mechanics and codes of video games,

• distinguish real risks from preconceived ideas,

• set a clear, caring educational framework,

• and understand how games can also become powerful tools for developing soft skills, autonomy and cooperation.

   

Video games: a learning ground (almost) like any other

Contrary to popular belief, video games are not just passive entertainment or a trap for idle children. Quite the contrary, in fact.

"Without exception, all the young people said it brought them positive things: social links, fun, reflexes, learning, relaxing."

The documented benefits are numerous:

• reinforcement of cognitive functions (memory, selective attention, reactivity),

• improved organization and planning,

• development of social skills such as self-help, cooperation and communication,

• stimulating creativity and problem-solving.

Even in games considered "violent" or "competitive", prosocial behaviors can be very present. For example, working in a team in Fortnite or negotiating a mission in Minecraft develops communication and adaptability.

Addiction or passion? Learning to tell the difference

It's THE big question on many parents' minds: is my child addicted? Should I worry if he plays every night?

"What can raise the question, what's going to be a risk factor, is the motivation to play."

In other words, it's not so much the time spent that's the problem, but the the intention behind the game :

• Does the child play to escape reality, school or anxiety?

• Or does he play to relaxhave fun, learn, create or stay in touch with friends?

Use becomes a cause for concern if it takes precedence over all other activities, if there's an abrupt sudden change in behaviorisolation, refusal to eat or to come and eat.

But in many cases, what adults interpret as excess is merely the intense use of a hobby... just as one might have spent hours playing the piano or soccer.

Managing emotions: the real challenge of video games

What emerges most from parental concerns is the need to managing emotions. Anger, frustration, screaming... some children experience their playtime as a matter of life and death.

"Why does it feel like they're dying, like their whole life is coming to an end? The level of stakes seems crazy compared to real life."

This is because gaming activates the reward circuit and can generate a strong emotional charge. Some games even use deliberately addictive psychological mechanisms, such as "dark patterns".

But then again, it doesn't have to be that way. There are solutions:

• Set a clear clear framework for (e.g. 30 minutes for younger players),

• Prefer short-mission or collaborative games for younger children,

• Use educational tools or emotional coaching (yes, they do exist!),

• And above all, support the child in verbalizing their feelings.

Playing for understanding: the essential role of parents

One of the main lessons to be learned from this episode is that is that parents have every reason to take a close interest in the world of video games. Not to become a gamer or to control everything, but to understand and dialogue better.

"The parent can place themselves as the student, and let their child become an expert in their world."

It's also a way to :

• strengthen the parent-child bond,

• share moments of complicity (and sometimes laughter),

• adapt the choice of games to the child's age, sensitivity and needs,

• discover little-known but extremely rewarding games (such as Animal Crossing, Hollow Knightor exploration games with a strong emotional dimension).

How to set the scene? A guide for parents in the dark

It's not easy to know what to allow, at what age and for how long. Here are some practical pointers from the episode:

Playing time :

• Around age 7: 30 minutes maximum per session,

• Adapt to the child, type of play, fatigue, etc.

Choice of game :

• Refer to the PEGI rating, but also to the child's emotional maturity,

• Check the game mechanics: is it pay-to-win? open-world? mission-based?

Secure server :

• Check that children play with their friends, on closed servers (and not with strangers),

• Use console parental controls (especially on Switch).

Dialogue and observation :

• Ask open-ended questions: "What do you like best about this game?

• Observe emotional reactions, overall behavior and any changes.

Video games as an educational tool? Yes, it's possible!

Video games can become learning tooleven at school. Educational versions such as Minecraft Education are used in the classroom. Other games can be used to work :

• emotions (with narrative games),

• collaboration (online or locally),

• or self-esteem.

"It's all very exciting. I want to say: no, games aren't bad. It just depends on what you do with them."

There are also resources for parents, such as the educational sheets developed by psychologists to help choose games according to educational objectives (emotions, memory, organization...).

Conclusion: support rather than demonize

As you'll understand, it's not a question of leaving your child in front of an unframed console, nor of banishing all screens. The challenge is towith lucidity and curiosity this now ubiquitous cultural practice.

Video games are not the enemy. They can be a vehicle for self-fulfilment, learning, social interaction and enjoyment. But it's important to understand them... and sometimes, to play them a little too.