How do you explain grief to children?
Talking to children about death and bereavement is a delicate task. Yet such discussions can help children understand and deal with the loss of a loved one in a healthy way. Many parents hesitate, unsure of how to approach such a sensitive subject. All Saints' Day, a time of contemplation, can be an opportunity to share discussions about death, and resources such as books specially designed for children can facilitate this exchange. Let's discover together how to prepare for these conversations, and the keys to accompanying a child through mourning.
Why talk to children about death?
For some, death is a subject to be avoided with young children. But psychologists and development specialists agree on one thing: children as young as 3 or 4 naturally start asking questions about death, as they seek to understand the world around them. Ignoring or deflecting these questions can create unnecessary confusion and anxiety. Explaining bereavement in an accessible and open way enables children to put words to their emotions and understand this inevitable reality.
The essential stages of the grieving process
Dealing with the loss of a loved one also means accompanying the child through all the stages of grief. These stages - shock, adaptation and reorganization - correspond to emotions that children are likely to feel, and it's crucial to help them understand them. Here are a few tips to guide children through these moments: 1. Learning to manage a budget
1. Tell the truth in simple words
Avoid metaphors such as "she's gone to sleep forever" or "she's gone". Children can understand death, but it's important to explain it without ambiguous terms. Simply say that when someone dies, they don't move, they don't breathe, and they're not coming back. Simple, direct words help to integrate reality, without sowing confusion or creating sleep-related fears, for example.
2. Reassure the child
It's essential to reassure children that their grief is normal, that they are not responsible for the death, and that they will not lose the love of their loved ones. Children may have contradictory thoughts, or even unconsciously wish for the death of a loved one in moments of frustration. When the loss occurs, this can lead to feelings of guilt. It's crucial to remind them that they are in no way responsible.
3. Leave room for emotion
Sharing your emotions with your child is fundamental. Don't hide your sadness; children learn to recognize and express their own emotions by observing those of their parents. Crying together and talking about how you feel can create a space of emotional security and show them that grief is a shared emotion.
Tools to ease the grieving process
Faced with children's questions, there are a number of tools that can help parents. Reading is an excellent way of introducing the subject in a gentle way. Some children's books deal with death in a simple, reassuring way, using appropriate stories and images. For example, books such as Le deuil raconté aux enfants or Tu vivras dans nos cœurs pour toujours use understandable words to explain death and mourning.
Accompanying children as they say farewell
If possible, and if the child so requests, it is often beneficial to allow him or her to say goodbye to the deceased, either by attending the funeral or by letting the child see the deceased under suitable conditions. This step helps to make the loss more concrete, and to accept that the person will not be coming back.
In short, talking to children about bereavement requires courage, kindness and simple communication. These conversations help children understand an important part of life, and by making it a less taboo subject, we offer them keys to growing up in a reassuring and loving environment.
The Soft Kids team 🌈
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