Unfortunately, I can't help out in the chat room, as my eldest has been doing his schoolwork on his own since CE2. I'll explain our family case study, our method and our organization for learning homework with total autonomy and confidence without laxity.

The ordeal of homework time: we've been through that too! But we overcame it. In this article, I explain our home-made recipe.

Doing homework: deconstructing our traditional vision

Letting go of parental control

My husband and I decided to stop interfering in our eldest son's homework. A very big parental let-go. We realized that our son couldn't stand working with us. Every minute spent with him trying to get him to recite his lessons or do exercises led to counter-productive tantrums.

To respect his need for space and avoid damaging our relationship, we looked for alternative solutions. After reading up on the subject, we ended up making a pact with him: "As long as you get decent results, we won't intervene. If the results show that you need help, we'll intervene".

The contract

To make this work, we established rules together and after 1 year, this method has paid off. He's now in 5th grade and we only occasionally intervene at his request to recite a lesson. But above all, the atmosphere at home is much more relaxed and calm at homework time.

So here's our magic recipe, bearing in mind that I'm well aware that every child is different. So I'll leave it to you to pick and choose the tips you feel are most useful and essential for your child.

Rule number 1: Learn autonomy through trust.

For Michel Bussi, best-selling author, father of 3 and geography teacher: "Autonomy is essential. It's better for a child not to do his homework and feel the effects than to be behind his back all the time, because it's autonomy that allows skills to develop".

Children's autonomy requires an essential prerequisite : a child's self-confidence. Unfortunately, France could do with some help in this area.

Indeed, in the latest OECD PISA survey, France ranked 62nd out of 65 countries in terms of its students' self-confidence. But with only 20% of French adults claiming to be able to trust others (compared with 48% on average in the rest of the OECD), this result comes as little surprise.

However, a pupil who is confident in his abilities has far fewer difficulties at school.And since it's very often the adult's view that will give him confidence, we told our son that he had to manage the homework in his diary on his own, and that we were confident in his ability to organize himself, but also to take responsibility for any mistakes.

At this age, not everything can be perfect. If he forgets a lesson, a notebook, some exercises, he'll have to take his responsibilities to the teacher and make up for it the next day. On the other hand, when we were kids, we didn't have emails or WhatsApp groups from parents when we forgot our notebooks.

Rule number 2: Relax and look at homework differently

Homework law

When I was a schoolgirl, there were already discussions about banning homework.

A brief historical aside:

"The circular of December 29, 1956 abolished homework, specifying that no written homework, either compulsory or optional, would be required of pupils outside the classroom. This circular has since been abrogated by the 1994 circular, which proposed setting aside time in school time for study and homework. Since then, the July 8, 2013 law on school rhythms specifies that this reform of rhythms will make it possible to make effective the formal ban on written homework for primary school pupils".

Today, on the online page of the French Ministry of Education, to the question:

"Can an elementary school student be given homework?", we read the following answer:

"Yes. However, a teacher cannot give his students written work to do outside the classroom."

Homework can be:
- Oral work (reading or research, for example),
- Or lessons to learn."

So your child should never be punished for not doing his or her homework.

Many surveys have been carried out on the subject, notably by parents' associations (FCPE), and show the extent to which families tend to share teachers' view that homework is essential to "fixing the learning achieved in class" and inseparable from "good schooling".

Another reason why homework is so popular with parents is that it "opens a window on the classroom", gives them the feeling of being able to "have a positive influence on their children's schooling", and makes them look like good parents. What's more, patterns repeat themselves. A parent who did homework as a child would tend to do the same thing again, even though the methodology and lessons have changed a lot, and this can be counterproductive in helping the teacher. I myself have found myself saying to my son: "But that's not how I learned...".

Nevertheless, beyond the debate over whether homework is compulsory or not, the important thing is that it makes sense for the child.

Homework to review and develop self-discipline.

According to Patrick Rayou, Professor of Education at Paris 8 University and member of the ESCOL research team studying social inequalities in academic success: "Homework is neither a punishment nor a sanction. Its purpose is to make children aware of their own autonomy and resources".

If I go back to my son's example, in those first 2 years of elementary school, homework was a difficult stage for him: "why am I being asked to add 5 times when I can add!", "why do I have to write lines when I can write!". He couldn't see any learning logic, and I understood him. Understanding the "why" is very important for our children. A homework assignment should echo what they've learned in class and correspond to a learning logic. I apply the lesson I've learned in class and see if I've understood it. I learn my history lesson to validate my level of knowledge for an assessment, etc...

So, if my son tells me that he's already understood this or that lesson in class and doesn't need to revise, I believe him, because we've set ourselves objectives and he knows it...

Rule 3: Set goals together

Each time he comes back from vacation, we have a discussion to determine what was acceptable for him in each subject. He has already identified the subjects he likes best and which require less energy and concentration. For these subjects, he is more demanding when it comes to assessments. For subjects that require him to mobilize more, we apply the technique of small steps.

For example, we had a discussion about the weekly dictation. Spelling is not one of the subjects in which my son feels comfortable.

There are 3 groups:
- The yellow group has a list of words
- The green group has the list of words from the yellow group and new words.
- The purple group has the list of words from the yellow and green groups and new words.

He was in the green group. I asked him what was stopping him from being in the purple group. His answer: "But Mom, I'm 85% positive in the green group, which is great". To motivate him, I presented it to him as a game, since you need to be at 90% for 3 weeks in a row to move up a level. I asked him to visualize how satisfying it would be to be at 90% for 3 weeks. At the end of the discussion, he wasn't convinced, but it went down well. Afterwards, he was so happy to tell me he'd joined the purple group!

Rule number 4: Be methodical

We also covered methodological points to help him be efficient and autonomous:

1. Plan his homework session, knowing that he goes to school 2 evenings a week.

2. Organize your work routine :

• Find a quiet place to concentrate
  (avoid distractions: no phones, social networks or TVs on),
• Choose a comfortable, well-lit workspace (table, desk) within easy reach.
• Look at the list of assignments in the diary and prioritize according to the schedule.
• Determine the list of things to do and the objective (review an assessment, validate the learning learning a lesson, etc.).
• Determine the time for each subject and break times.
• Move forward, starting with the most difficult work.
• Divide up the task if that helps to keep you motivated.
• Cross out each assignment when finished.
• Put away your belongings (manuals and materials) and relax.

3. Process for preparing appraisals :

1. Reread the lesson several evenings a week to reinforce long-term memory.
2. To complement these tips, the "HUGO" by Anne-Marie Gaignard is an excellent way to help your child manage stress, time and workload. By identifying with the characters in the stories, children can test and integrate work methodologies. As a bonus, get homework help tool SOFT KIDS to plan your sessions. Discover also our Perseverance Program to strengthen your child's determination.
   

   Rule number 5: Show our commitment

   We don't help with homework, but that doesn't mean we're not involved in his schooling.

   Every Sunday, my husband and I look at his notebooks with him: the day's notebooks, his notes and his homework notebook. This allows us to identify if something has not been learned and discuss it with him, or even ask him a question or two to check if he has understood the teacher's correction. This takes 15 minutes, and allows us to discuss his learning, his likes and dislikes, his objectives and his methodology.

Beyond passing these assessments, what I systematically ask of him is :

• "Are you happy with the work you've done? The most important thing is that they feel they've done their best, even when it's difficult.
• "Have you learned from your mistakes? He knows that we can't know everything, and that it's by making mistakes and taking on challenges that we learn and develop our intelligence.
• "Do you think you're consistent in what you do?". It's better to have an average of 6 or 7 (out of 10) all year than 10 one week and 3 the next. What we're looking at is perseverance and consistency of effort. If necessary, we go over the methodology again. Of course, I realize that this arrangement may not suit all children, especially if they've just entered first grade.

Nevertheless, I think that by giving our children methodological advice and showing them that we have confidence in them and that they can make mistakes and learn from them, we can improve homework sessions, which sometimes turn into a chore for parents and children alike.

Finally, if your children are having real difficulties with their revision, don't hesitate to sign them up for study or tutoring periods. The website Allo prof also offers a free service with teachers who answer your questions live.

Homework has long been a source of stress in our household and I hope that by sharing this with you, I can help those who are struggling and looking for information.

And if you have any tips you'd like to share, don't hesitate to drop us a line.