How can we help children identify and focus on their strengths?
A strength is a quality or ability to do an activity or task well. Strengths are intrinsic to individuals. We all have different strengths and weaknesses. What's important is to be able to identify them from an early age, as they will help us to develop good self-esteem.
Positive psychology offers several advantages to identifying and valuing children's strengths. Identifying children's strengths means developing their self-confidence. It also provides them with opportunities to celebrate their successes, thus satisfying their natural need for gratification. What's more, it helps them to take charge of their education and become independent in their daily lives. Indeed, by receiving frequent encouragement and having an accurate picture of what they can do, they are also better able to hear criticism and be motivated by the idea of improving. Above all, they become able to use their strength to compensate for their difficulties. In other words, they become more competent at self-improvement.
Yet recent research (Ansari & Usmani, 2018) shows a tendency not to comment on or emphasize successes and instead highlight failures. The aim is laudable and part of a logic of reparation, but telling a child that he or she has done badly generally engenders demotivation and a distaste for effort. Conversely, a number of studies have shown that it is positive feedback - in other words, highlighting what has been done correctly - that leads to the greatest improvements in performance in children and adults alike.
At the same time, compliments must be genuine. It's not about saying that your kid does everything perfectly well. You can continue to present mistakes and failures as necessary steps towards improvement. You can therefore positively present your child's strengths (what he can build on to progress) and his shortcomings or mistakes (which are opportunities to start again and progress).
Our tips to help them identify their strengths?
- Ask him/her to share an experience he/she is particularly proud of: drawing a really good picture, winning a tough game, consoling a friend... Talk about the qualities your kid demonstrated, and the emotions he/she felt.
- Ask them to draw themselves as superheroes and write their qualities around them: for example, independent, funny, honest, patient, etc.
- Together, make a list of your strengths (and not just school subjects!) and cut out pictures to illustrate them. e.g.: I don't know a thing about dinosaurs. I sing well. I love gardening. Etc.
- Prepare the jam of sweet words: write little messages for your kid, about his qualities, strengths, progress, congratulations, and put them in a jam jar (which you can decorate together). Have him pick out one note a day.
- Ask her to compliment herself in front of a mirrorr about his physical appearance and his strengths or qualities to develop a good self-image. For example, he could say that he likes his freckles and that he's brave.
The Soft Kids team 🌈
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