Anger, frustration, intense joy, sudden sadness... Children's emotions are powerful and sometimes confusing for parents. Faced with these emotional waves, it's tempting to try to quickly calm a crisis, avoid an outburst or even minimize a feeling deemed excessive. And yet, supporting your child's emotions is a major educational challenge, essential to their development and the acquisition of solid emotional and social skills.

Why are children's emotions sometimes so difficult for adults to accept? How can we help our children better manage their feelings without repressing them? In this article, you'll find practical advice on how to better understand and support your children on a daily basis.

Why is it still difficult to welcome children's emotions?

     An upbringing marked by emotional control

For generations, society has valued emotional emotional controlespecially in boys. Crying was seen as a sign of weakness, expressing anger as a lack of discipline. This cultural conditioning has left its mark on modern education, where phrases like :

• • "Don't cry, you're a big boy now."
  • "It doesn't matter, it's just a toy."
  • "Stop yelling, you're overreacting."

The problem with these injunctions is that they teach children to their emotions rather than to understand them.. Yet all emotions, even negative ones, have an essential function: they inform us of an unmet need and help us adapt to our environment.

     Fear of emotional outbursts

Faced with their child's intense emotions, many parents feel helplessness, stress, even anger. Seeing their child in crisis can awaken childhood memories, where our own emotions were not always welcomed.

Other parents fear that letting a child fully express his emotions will make them capricious or uncontrollable. Yet neuroscience shows that repressing an emotion doesn't make it go awaybut rather represses it at a deeper level, which can lead to emotional disorders later on.

Supporting emotions doesn't mean accepting everythingIt means providing a secure framework in which children can learn to identify, understand and regulate their feelings.

How do you deal with children's emotions on a daily basis?

1. Helping your child put emotions into words

Before children can regulate their emotions, they must first learn to identify and name them. Emotional vocabulary is a powerful tool for this.

- Instead of "Don't be sad, say: "Are you sad because your boyfriend didn't want to play with you?"

- Instead of "You're mean to your brother"try: "Are you angry because he took your toy without asking?"

Emotion books and cards are also excellent tools for helping the little ones recognize and verbalize their feelings.

     2. Welcoming without minimizing or dramatizing

When a child is in the midst of an emotional storm, our first reflex is often to want to the situation as quickly as possible. We try to reassure, distract, even rationalize too soon ("No, there's nothing to be sad about!).

However, before being appeased, a child needs above all to feel to feel heard and understood.

What to do?

1. Name your emotionI can see that you're very frustrated because you wanted to keep on playing"
2.Validate your feelingsIt's normal to be sad when something doesn't go as planned.
3. suggest a solution later: "We can find another game together when you're ready."

     3. Teach children strategies for managing their emotions 

A child does not yet have the cerebral maturity to regulate their emotions on their own. He therefore needs concrete tools to learn how to calm down and regain his emotional balance.

Some effective strategies:

- Deep breathingInhale slowly to the count of 4, exhale to the count of 6.

- Body anchoringFor example, hold a cushion tightly, clap your hands or walk for a few minutes.

- Artistic expressiondrawing emotions, modeling salt dough, writing a story.

Every child is different: test several methods and see which ones work best for him.

     4. Encourage emotional self-regulation 

A child who learns to manage his or her emotions develops self-esteem and more harmonious social relationships. As a parent, you can encourage your child to take responsibility for his or her own emotional well-being:

- Offer him a "quiet corner" where he can go when he feels a surge of emotion.

- Praise him when he uses a strategy to calm down: "I saw that you took a moment to breathe before you spoke, that was a good idea."

- Help him anticipate difficult situations by discussing possible solutions in advance ("If you feel you're upset at school, what can you do?")

     5. Setting an example as a parent

Children learn a great deal by mimicry. If we have trouble managing our own emotions, they'll have trouble learning to manage theirs.

- Express your emotions"I'm frustrated because I'm late, but I'm going to take a breath to calm down."

- Say what you feel without accusing"I'm tired, I need a quiet moment."

- Agree to apologize if necessary"I got a bit carried away earlier, I'm sorry."

By seeing that the adults around them know how to express and manage their emotions in a healthy way, children learn to do the same.

Why is it essential to teach emotional management from childhood?

AN ASSET FOR LIFE

Children who learn to recognize and manage their emotions develop :

• • Greater resilience in the face of challenges.
  • More fulfilling social relationships.
  • Greater self-confidence.

In a world where stress is omnipresent, knowing how to manage your emotions is an essential skill. essential skill to succeed in life.

Conclusion: learning to welcome emotions, a gift for life

Welcoming your child's emotions does not mean tolerating all behaviorIt means providing a framework in which they can express their emotions, understand them and learn to manage them.

Emotions are natural and indispensable. By accepting them rather than repressing them, we give our children the keys to growing up confident and balanced..

The Soft Kids team 🌈